Thursday, November 02, 2006 @ 10:54 PM
Empty...
I don't know what's happening and I can't explain what I'm feeling today and for the past few days, I easily get irritated and I get furious over small things. I felt like something is missing, I feel lonely. Maybe because I am expecting too much fromHe is not perfect and so am I. Nobody is perfect. But I really can't help myself. I want to stay away from him and give myself some time to think and internalize, but I don't want to. It's not that I CAN'T, I just don't want to be away from him. He means so much to me and I know that my day wouldn't be complete without him.
I am mean. I want to change that, really. I love him, there's no doubt about it. Maybe I am trying so hard to make ours a perfect one, with a perfect future. Too much expectations, high hopes and in the end, it left me empty.
Fear? I am afraid, so afraid that one day, he'll just leave me. I still can't believe that up to now, I'm still affected with my father's death. I am traumatized by the experience. But life is really like this. All must come to an end. It's just, I'm not ready for that one and it made a huge impact in my life. Wherever my dad is, I know he's in a beautiful place and he's in peace now.
But today, I am able to let my feelings out. I told him, what I am feeling, my fears, what's bothering me and I am thankful that he understands. I know he understands. I love him so much.
Labels: Everyday living...
ZiE ZiE
scribbled on 10:54 PM.
